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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.