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If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?