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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.