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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?