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I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.