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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`