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Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.