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The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
Iām starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.