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Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.