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Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.