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Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
Long story short, I love summaries.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I`ll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.