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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.