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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!