Daily Silly Status

"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty

Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.

I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store

I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.

I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol

My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.

I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!

Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.

some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"

Serving size ?? LMAO

I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".

Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.

My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man

Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.

I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point