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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
Iām in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.