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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.