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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."