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I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
I like the part of the day when food happens.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies Iām going to pay with.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
The future was so much cooler in the past.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you