Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Never trust a skinny chef
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?