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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore