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When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"