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I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.