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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.