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If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.