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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."