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Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Honk if you are reading this.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.