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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...