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When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
My misery likes tequila, not company.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.