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Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem