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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.