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Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, Iād spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
There`s no WE in pizza.
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.