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I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`