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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: `last warning, you have a week to get the money together.`
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.