Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
We get it poets: things are like other things
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.