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*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Ride me like you stole me.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.