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I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
If anyone is interested, I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 1:00 PM until I’m escorted out by security.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.