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My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.