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I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.