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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, Iām coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
Take me seriously at your own risk.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.