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I wish my mind had a delete button.
umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.