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Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
There`s no WE in pizza.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...