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Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!