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My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
I`m tired of things costing money
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted