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It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.