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Most problems can be solved with nudity
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.