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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome