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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?