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If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.