Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.