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During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
u cant spell awesome without me
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.