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All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.