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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.