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I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.