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Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."