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Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.