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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
No pants are the best pants.
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...