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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
What if animals all speak a universal language, and we’re the odd ones out???
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.