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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.