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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
My favorite beer is an open one.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.