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I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.