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Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!