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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.