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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.