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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
The older I get the better I used to be.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.