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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
Iām trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.