Daily Silly Status

People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing

So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court

In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour

Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.

I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.

No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.

I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts

My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming

People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.

My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.

I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.

Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress

My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!

I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.