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I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet