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feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.