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If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...