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If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.