Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
Line forms here for spankings