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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.