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My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
A man is as faithful as his options
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
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