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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
To me, suicide seems selfish. For all I know, someone else might want to kill me
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.