Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.