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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.