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Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.