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I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, Iām going back to bed.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.