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My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.