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This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait