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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
Well, the people outside are frightful.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things