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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?