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Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
In space they just call it "Jam"
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!