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never be afraid to wipe twice
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
The best things in life require no pants.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.