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Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
Party like you will never be invited to another!
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.