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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.