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I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.