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Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.