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I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride