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A wise man once said nothing.
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!