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They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."