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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out