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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.