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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
To whoever finds the $20 I dropped last night: spend it on alcohol. It`s what I would have wanted.
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
My life is just one long improvisation.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.