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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.