Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss